Its been a while since I have posted anything....mainly because I didn't want to post any negative thoughts.....So this blog is just some random updates.... :)
God uses Tristin again:
There are many times God catches me off guard. This past Sunday on the way home from Church somehow me and my boys got on weird subject,,"Divorce" and friends that have more than one home. Anyway Tristin started saying "Mom you and daddy will never get divorced because there are times in life when your valley will be high and your valley will be low and yes sometimes you argue but that is just part of it!!! (My brain is thinking "Is my son 9 or 29?" *Side note..No we are not getting divorced so don't think that..it was just a topic that came up about the boys and their friends. Anyway all I can say is WOW God always speaks thru him and it usually catches me off guard. I began to have tears after that and he was worried and asked me why I was crying...I told him that was happy tears that all.
Now off to next topic:
God always has a plan no matter what we are thinking.....Several months I have been searching for another position within my company and every door has been slammed in my face..Talk about frustration and I was starting to get very upset...and I was starting to get a very negative attitude...haha but as always promised God showed up when I least expected him too.....I was told last week that I was being absorbed into another Line within the bank (Didn't even apply-They just wanted me and that is what they got)...and wouldn't you know it..it was exactly the area I was trying to get close too this whole time...Talk about God working in the back ground even though I was being a big baby about the whole thing and pouting! Man lesson learned for me again! I need to wait on God and not try to force things...this new job I got was a lot better than the ones I was getting the door shut on me....This test is a great testimony.
Attitude-this is an area that I am really dealing with right now..there are people all around me who all of the sudden either exclude themselves from me or walked away etc....I have been so worried about why that I have let it steal my joy...the fact of the matter is why? Why do I let the devil creep in and cause me to worry and have many mixed emotions over it..I am a very emotional person and the devil uses that against me very often.......I mean I cant please everyone and if people don't want to talk to me about it then I really just need to pray about it and let it go...Letting go is going to be a great release of stress, worry, anger, sadness and the list goes on and on..I am not there yet but I am praying about it and I am praying that God can help me thru it all...
God/Me---I am in a very dry dry valley right now. Not only have I been in this valley before but somehow I don't think I ever left...maybe I thought I did and started getting lazy about prayer and seeking/relying totally on God. I have let depression come in and let it consume my mind and my heart which is not a good thing. I have found myself walking further and further in the wrong direction....Not writing this for anyone's pity because I don't need it....I realize what is happening and now I just need to suck it up and pray my way back to God who clearly loves me as seen above in the things he has done for me just in the past week. Nobody's fault but my own so I am taking ownership for letting my mind drift off and my heart become luke warm. I know God didn't create a me to be this way or to stay in my depression. So picking up my heavy heart to start the hard journey that is still in front me and just deciding to trust the Father who loves me so much. #shameful realization!
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